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SOS! HELP! KIDNAPPED GENIUS LOST ON THE SET OF THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW! SEND HELP AND STARCHES! DOES THIS STUPID THING EVEN WORK?!

WTF is going on and why do the terrorists have Crackberries? Are we at war?! Is it the Chinese?! AL QAEDA?! What's going on?! Mayday mayday! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!!!